Hm, so. I can easily conclude that this was probably the toughest year of my life.

I've come to the realization that my mom might just dislike me. I do believe she loves me somewhere inside, however, but many a time I doubt myself. It's weird, I almost feel as if I'm missing out by not having a motherly figure. But I do feel that my empty feeling has been satisfied by my friends, and as much as I do not mind that, it makes me feel independent. I feel like I am growing up too fast. I don't like that feeling.

I've fallen in love. I admit that that was a wonderful experience, that whole year, the excitement of not knowing how he felt. The day I found out, however, was one of the worst days of my life. It gave me a pathetic feeling inside, that I could be so emotionally affected by something as completely fair as his feelings of me were.

I've moved 4 hours away from the place I've lived my whole life. It doesn't sound so terrible, but trust me, it was absolutely the worst. This year, I've grown so unbelievably close to certain friends of my hometown. And right as our relationships grew as strong as ever, I am forced to move. I moved a week before school started, in the summer. That whole week, I worried myself over everything about starting fresh at a new school. I felt real depression, at least I'm pretty sure I did. I missed the people I loved, the people who made me who I am today. In my opinion, the feeling of missing someone hurts the most. At the same, I was afraid of losing them. They were so important to me, they were the reason I coped with anything else. What was I to do when they were gone?

I remember the night before the first day of school. All of these feelings overwhelmed me, I could barely sleep in peace. I prayed to God that there would be someone who would be willing to welcome me with kindness. Because that night, I realized that I was completely alone. I remember waking up and walking to the bus stop, to numerous unfamiliar faces. They were grouped into little groups, talking to themselves. One boy approached me, addressing me as the new girl who had moved into the house on the street. It was not in an obnoxious matter at all, in fact, he was very charming and I was thankful. I then walked behind him up the few steps onto the bus, and I took a look around. The kids were fairly animated, and it was 6:30 am. To this day I am not sure whether it was just me or not, but I felt the stares of so many people. I remember the whole day of school perfectly. I looked at every face that I passed in between classes, all so new and unfamiliar. There was no one to greet with a smile. I don't believe I was able to smile anyway, I was so depressed. The day droned on, emotionless. Numerous times I was tempted to cry. There was nothing to look forward to anymore, just that one boy.

On the third day of school, he brought me to his group of friends. It was unbelieveable, everyone treated me so kindly with smiles and all. They talked to me, complimented me, and were just so nice to me in general. I certainly believed God had answered. I am friends with them to this very day, They made life bearable again. Unfortunately, my mom had met a few of them once and had disapproved, and I am not allowed to hang out with them. It upsets me, and it definately upsets my friends.

Not only had I made a whole bunch of new friends, I continue to stay great friends with the ones from my hometown. Our relationships remain the same, and if not, it continues to strengthen. How silly of me. What made me think that I was going to lose these people? I'm not sure, but I am ever so thankful for them, because although they live 4 hours away, they are always there. I think about them everyday, and I do mean that literally. Since I moved, I've gone back twice. Both times gave me a fantastic feeling. It was like returning home. That's exactly what it was.

It's hard to gain empathy just by typing this up, but I hope you understand that this has been, and still is, a very hard year for me. But I do believe that God does not put you through anything that you cannot handle. I told this to myself before the first day of school, and it was very hard to trust back then. I now realize that this statement is pretty valid.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and it does in fact work out for the best in the end. It's hard for me to believe that it's for the best, but I always tell myself that things happen for a reason. I think this statement is what keeps me going.